The adventures of GimpAndy continue. He said hello to the lighthouse at Montauk point - a staple of Montauk for the past 116 years. Filled up the tank and headed out to the Flemish Cap to meet up with Clooney and the Andrea Gail. A big test to see if the sea legs still work, bootstrapped and all.

The fish were no match for GimpAndy. Hooking into 300 lb tuna left and right (pictured above). News of his success resonated throughout town and soon made its way to the doorstep of Discovery Channel execs. As soon as DC heard about how he was doing this all on 1 foot, his legend status grew even more. Early talks are now underway about joining a crew for next seasons filming of Wicked Tuna. Trying to get off the DotCom and onto PinWheel is where discussions are at the moment. Bottom line is GimpAndy is no greenhorn and proved himself to be the 1st mate at the very minimum.

What will GimpAndy do next?

Stay tuned…

GimpAndy leaving his mark on some freshly groomed sand early in the morning. The sandy terrain makes for a slug-like pace.

In case of emergencies - lets hope the bathrooms are nearby.

Join me over the next 3 weeks (hopefully less) as we document the life and times of #GimpAndy.

Sit back, relax and get your favorite bag of Orville Redenbacher’s Classic Popcorn as we battle these treacherous terrains.

"A message to our fans" - A fan responds.

Since the NHL was so kind to issue a message to their fans last week, I decided to return the favor with a few thoughts.  1st thought - Thanks assholes.

For the 2nd time in 8 years you’ve melted the ice with a lockout, taking away the sport I love just as much as family.  What am I to do from 7-930 on game nights now?  I used to tell people I had plans at night - I did, it involved watching the Rangers.  How do I replace sitting on the edge of my couch, extreme/unhealthy heartbeat speeds, odd superstitions, screaming at the TV, screaming at friends, screaming at the refs and screaming for joy?

Opening of the NHL statement to its “FANS”

"…competitive balance has created arguably the most meaningful regular season in pro sports; a different team has won the Stanley Cup every year; fans and sponsors have agreed the game is at its best, and the League has generated remarkable growth and momentum…

Lockout makes sense I guess.  Sounds like a good idea to blackout fans and turn away sponsors when the game is at its best.  Whats the main reason for the lockout again?  How to split hockey related revenue amongst owners and players?  Yeah then its definitely smart to shut out FANS and SPONSORS who create HOCKEY RELATED REVENUE.  Have fun splitting nothing while there’s no league.  That remarkable growth and momentum you speak of will look as good as Madoff investment.  Where can I purchase some put options on the NHL for the next 3 years???

Congrats to the NHL for solidifying their spot at the bottom of the barrel of the big 4 sports (NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL - Nascar you dont count).  Most recently during this past season’s NBA lockout, the NHL had some serious momentum.  ESPN had no choice but to feature hockey, Barry Melrose was (and still is) the most popular guy in Bristol.  I had friends who could care less about hockey, watching and even going to games.  They knew names of players and the big news around the league.  Even though they are fairweather fans it doesn’t matter, you take every 1 you can get.  I know some of them will hitch their ride on the bandwagon around all-star break when the Rangers are on their way to hoisting the cup IF we ever get to that stage.  What should be real concerning is that they have absolutely lost some of these fans forever.  It’s now back to the drawing board to generate new fans -  THANK YOU SOCIAL MEDIA! -  Cause at the end of they’re driving the revenue train

To me, its all about trust.  How am I supposed to trust a league when I’ve come to learn that the it will be locked out once every 6 years?  The league has tested the patience of its fans far too often, they’ve toyed with our emotions too much.  As a diehard fan, the league really doesn’t have to worry about losing me - I will wake up tomorrow, next week, next year and in 50 years an avid Ranger fan.  I’m going to watch my team play whether they’re in first or last place. Right now I’m just a pissed off guy who can’t believe we’re in the same situation we were 6 years ago.  

Who they do have to worry about is the casual fan.  With another lockout going on, the casual fan simply doesn’t care if the league comes back or not.  They look at the NHL as if it’s that 1 night stand you took home last night.  Forgotten name…forgotten face…moving on and not looking back.  The casual fan represents the additional millions in dollars generated each year that are no longer going to be impacting the bottom line.  The casual fan also represents the future of US hockey - If I’m a parent and don’t care much about the sport of hockey because of its constant failing image why would I introduce my child to the sport.  It doesn’t help that hockey is a damn expensive sport too - thanks mom and dad!

With the lockout underway, players are making their way to Europe to play some competitive hockey and receive a paycheck.  I doubt it happens, but what if a few big name stars really enjoy their time playing overseas.  What if Evgeni Malkin (MVP last year), currently playing in the KHL during the lockout, realizes that he’s closer to home and can earn similar money?  Why not stay?  Other than an agreement between the KHL and NHL of players in mid-contract holding him back, he should just leave if its better over there.  Last week Malkin took a pretty hard hip-check in a game, I bet the owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins got a bit nervous watching that.  He’s only 19 months removed of tearing his ACL….

Gary Bettman has now been commissioner of the NHL for 18 years and has locked the league out 3 times.  I actually think he’s done a pretty good job in expanding and growing the league since being at the helm.  He’s added 6 more teams and relocated others (albeit warm weather cities where there are hockey rinks few and far between - Florida, Nashville, Phoenix & Anaheim) .  He’s grown the league revenue from $400 million to over $3 billion since 1993.  The addition of the Winter Classic has been an absolute hit, then throw in the 24/7 special with HBO and you’ve created a buzz about the game that there never was.  It reeled in new fans by getting to know players on a personal level - I admit I probably watched the 4 episodes about 5 times each. As the management face of the NHL you look great when the league is doing well, and you look awful when its in the shitter.  Commissioner Bettman, grab a shovel cause right now you’re knee deep in shit and we can use a some help. 

From the fan to NHL and its players, LOCK YOURSELVES IN A ROOM AND DON’T COME OUT TILL A DEAL IS DONE.  These week or two breaks of no talking is bullshit.  You say you care about the fans, you say you care about the sport - prove it by making something happen.  Damn this is frustrating.

Reach an agreement  |   Get on the ice  |  Lets drop this goddamn puck on time!

Empower Generation - Donate Today!

Please come out and join EG and the fine folks at Runa Tea on Saturday, September 8, 12-5PM at
East River Park for a fun-filled day of DODGEBALL, Guayusa tea, delicious treats from ZARO’S BAKERY, amazing prizes/raffles,
and most importantly, fundraising for a worthy cause. DONATE TODAY!


Empower Generation is a social enterprise that connects renewable energy technology (RET) suppliers with female entrepreneurs at the base of the economic pyramid (BoP)—those living on less than $2.50 per day. We provide women with the technical training and support to start their business, and offer BoP energy-consumers microfinancing for RET purchases. Supplying clean energy to the 1.6 billion people living without access to electricity is one of the largest business opportunities of our time, and women are the key to unlocking this potential. Already acting as household energy managers and disproportionally undervalued in their communities, our entrepreneurs are empowered to become the leaders of the clean-energy revolution. Our work increases local economic opportunities, promotes gender equality, and combats the root causes of poverty.


  • Teams may have up to 12 players
  • Mandatory coed!
  • Each team will play 4 15-minute games in the round robin group stage 
  • Top 4 teams will advance to the semifinals  
  • Ties will be settled by 2-on-2 SUDDEN DEATH


  • Tickets to a SOLD OUT Jay-Z concert at the Barclay’s Center (individual fundraising champion)
  • Weekend getaway for up to 20 people in the beautiful Berkshires
  • Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream vouchers
  • Runa Tea vouchers
  • Empowerball 2012 trophy / bragging rights

We will also be raffling off additional tickets to the Jay-Z concert!!!!!!

We will be accepting raffle ticket purchases online for those of you who cannot make the event. A $5 donation to Jigga Raffle (on team Generation Domination) will count as one raffle ticket. Buy 4 get 1 free (5 tickets for $20)!!!!!!!!!!

West side. Cali bra (Taken with instagram)

Angel in my outfield (Taken with instagram)

I need to re-live this right now.

Living 5 stories at a time. Not too shabby.

How much do 1 of these townhouses cost?? Gotta be 1 year of Arod’s salary ($30 mil)? I’m currently on the 5th floor of one of these pads and can only think…how cool would this be if we turned it into the new Rathouse? Z, we gotta scratch the idea of 5 or 6 of us pitching in to buy a summer beach bachelor pad. Its time to step our game up, throw some weight around and convert a NYC townhouse into the bachelor of bachelor pads. We also need to get this while still in our 20’s and can go hard. I dont need this when my hips don’t work and brain is fried in my 40’s. By then we’ll be livin in the burbs in our personal mansions.

I say all of this with a few pennies to my name, but believe that it’s my turn to win the lottery. Going 0 for 30 lifetime only means im due to catch fire?? I got shat on by a bird 2 months in a row and still haven’t seen any luck come my way. I’ll pull a tooth out to speak with the tooth fairy tonight if that’s what it’ll take. Show me a sign!

Until then… Rathouse goal is 2014, no excuses.

Lottttta dreaming going on here.

I’ve Got The SHOES Like Jagger

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My rents had taken a trip to Woodbury Commons a few weeks ago and scooped up a pair of bootshoes? Idk what to call these.  I thought they had a hipster/ruggish feel so I gave the approval on the purchase, however my shoe size ranges per company and I had no idea what i’d be.  At the time I was wearing a pair of Nike’s that were size 10, so I notified the elders 10 will do. 


 Next time I saw M&D, I gave them a test run only to quickly realize I was swimming in these bad boys. 10’s were tooooo big (ladies cmon, its not the size that counts).  It’s a shame cause I did like them - figured the future layout would be:

Black super tight jeans tucked into kicks, some sort of vintage feeling shirt, serious ink (for sure skulls and pointless sayings all over my body that i’ll never regret), definitely a chain wallet, maybe some punkrock eye shadow and to top it off the out of bed hair-do.  Not only would I fit right into the East Village with my fellow weirdo’s but I’d most likely become lead singer of Maroon 5 and crush Victoria Secret Fashion Show Performances, oh wait thats Adam Levine…

Cant hate on him, he’s busy banging a VS model.


So that quick flash into the future of what I would become had me ready to go, I’d be crushing stages worldwide while flailing my body like Mick Jagger.  Now I just needed the correct size bootshoe.  It would come 3 weeks later due to 1: return the shoes for correct pair and 2: parents were busy roughing it on the beach in Cabo, thanksssssssssssssss for the invite :)


This past Sunday I finally receive the shoes and give them a 15 second try on.  Foot slips in and they fit (so I think), I don’t bother doing any walking around to test them out because I’m an idiot.  Take bootshoes off and throw in the closet until Thursday Feb 23rd.  Debut day, being that I don’t have to get dressed up for work now since we’re moving offices I go with the bootshoes and jeans for a comfortable yet I’m not a mess look.  20 steps out of my building and I’m feeling some discomfort in the right foot.  I immediately check it off to sore ankle from going back to the gym and hitting the spin machine the day before (im back baby).  I’ve now made it to the office with far more discomfort on my right foot that has forced bootshoe to come off and sit on the bench for the rest of the day, thinking my foot was swollen.  End of the day comes and its time to go home, didn’t even make it 15 steps out of the building when I feel a blister that I didn’t know was going on suddenly burst. PAIN.  What is a mommas boy to do when something like that happens, immediately call mom and say WTF is with these shoes!?  We further investigate the problem and it turns out that image from the beginning is no optical illusion.  I had been wearing a size 9 bootshoe on the left foot, and a size 8 bootshoe on my right foot.  Idiot of the year right here.  Walking slower than a grandma with a broken hip I was able to make it home with the encouraging words from my friend Gersh:  “hahahahah are you kidding?! P finish strong, just like the ironman marathon”

And finish strong I did.

But really what I learned from all of this is: That was yesterday, today is Friday, fuck it…

The Super Bowl I BARELY Watched

February 1, 2004

My friend Gersh and I didn’t have any big plans for the Super Bowl, so we decided to head over to our friend Ryans place to watch the game.  I figured it would be the 3 of us kicking it while I slam down a few cold yoohoo’s.  Little did we know, Ryan had something in the works for us.  His family was close with my biggest idol, Mark Messier.  At the time, his Rangers were in the midst of a disgusting stretch, having not qualified for the playoffs in 6 consecutive seasons even though owning the leagues highest payroll of $69 million.  The night before they had just lost to the Buffalo Sabres and didn’t have their next game until Feb 2nd at home.  This opened the door to family time and being able to enjoy the Super Bowl.

A few minutes after showing up to Ryans, he tells us that we were going to watch the Super Bowl at another persons house.  My first thought was, I don’t want to go to someones house where I would have to make forced conversation and act as if interested when I really just want to be watching the game.  That’s when Ryan mentioned, “Yeah we’re gonna go watch the game at Messier’s sisters house, Mark is there”.  The second I heard Messier, the Super Bowl game went right out the window.  For all I care we could have been watching some god awful heart breaking ‘based on true events’ story on the Lifetime Network, It didn’t matter.

The short 5 minute drive over to the Messier house I was a mental nutcase.  This man brought me the most joy in my life 10 years ago.  Back in 94 as a 6 year old, weeks after the Rangers won the cup my dad took me to an autograph signing.  Messier signed a picture and asked me who his favorite player is.  6 years old and nervous as hell meeting your favorite player for the first time, the only word I was able to muster up was “you”.  I looked up to him as a player and as a person, everything he did was the right way.  Now 10 years down the road I’m going to be watching the Super Bowl with the most iconic New Yorker (other than Jeter) for the next 4 hours.

Sweaty palms and all we’re greeted by Messier’s sister and her kids.  Then over at the dining table filling up his plate stands a 43 year old man with too many Stanley Cup rings to fit on one hand.  A man who defies the law of sports to perform at such a level when most athletes his age are long retired.  A man that has brought New York the sexiest trophy in all of sports.  “Hi, I’m Mark”  I couldn’t help but laught to myself because I obviously know who he is.  However, he’s no different than you and I - just your regular sports fan looking to enjoy the Super Bowl (but also happens to be a top 5 all time hockey player…)

The Messier family is on a whole other level.  They do a version super bowl boxes, however it doesn’t involve the game at all.  They prefer to focus on the commercials - what commercial is shown 1st, during the quarters, halftime, after the game, most commercials overall, group vote best commercial.  Sheer genius, the commercials were more exciting anyway (being a Jet fan and watching the Patriots in the Super Bowl hurts).  Messiers are just playing chess while we’re all here playing checkers.

Memory escapes me but I think it was around the end of the 1st quarter when Mark was on the phone with a man he called “Ricky” telling him the front door was open.  I didn’t really pay much attention until the front door opened.  Ricky = Mike Richter (New York Rangers Goalie).  That sealed up my night right there, here I am kicking it with 2 New York Ranger greats who have their banners hanging from the Garden rafters.  It doesn’t get much better than this.

Telling Richter and Messier that the 3 of us played hockey for our high school team was almost embarassing.  I do always wondered if I can score on an NHL goalie though.  “Ricky” put some pads on and lets hit the ice, I’m calling 1 top shelf on you.

Game ended with an Adam Vinatieri Super Bowl clinching field goal for the Patriots and what would start their reign of domination [I do need to thank the Giants for bringing these guys back down to Earth with this past Sunday’s Super Bowl victory].  As a Jet fan it sucked watching the Patriots win, but at the end of the day it didn’t mean much to me cause I was busy drooling hanging with my idols.

The follwing 2004-05 season was locked out and Messier would never play another shift, retiring at the age of 43.  His 1994 guarantee of winning an elimination game, in which he backed up by scoring a hat-trick will live with me forever.

Favorite saying of the night, Messier: “Hey luke-ay…go fix the fi-yur”

Did Van Gundy Start Fight Club?


I’d love nothing more than to shut my eyes and take full timeout for the next 2 hours.  I feel like Jeff Van Gundy during his coaching days right now with the heaviest eyelids on earth.  You know that feeling when your eyes are closing no matter what, so you start doing weird movements and acting all funny with hopes of that jolt of energy waking you up??? Yeah thats what I feel like right now.  Granted I dont have nearly half the bags the my man Jeffy had during his Knicks days, but I’m pretty sure there are imaginary dumbbells attached to my eyelids.  For those who pay attention to details, yes that is a freckle on the bottom right.

Seriously did Jeff Van Gundy sleep at all?  How on Earth do you get those?  I don’t even think its possible to get bags that big, they weigh about 3 lbs each.  Maybe Van Gundy was part of some underground Fight Club that nobody knew of?  This would explain the golf ball size black and blue-ish bags he had.  Unfortunately we’ll never know if he started an underground Fight Club because well….The first 2 rules of Fight Club are: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.  I’m going to go ahead and say he was the inspiration for the book and movie.


Remember back in the day (97’) when Van Gundy tried to break up a fight by clinging onto Alonso Mourning’s leg?  100% a technique that he picked up from Fight Club.  He was doing MMA moves before anyone ever heard of MMA.  Ankle lock submission.  Goddamnit he started the UFC too!?!?!?

Jeff also has a brother, Stan, who like him coaches in the NBA and leads another life…..

So, here’s what we have:

╗ Stan Van Gundy is an NBA coach and on the side the most famous name in porn - Ron Jeremy

╗ Jeff Van Gundy once coached in the NBA - began Fight Club & UFC

 willl never =   because I use words and not my fists Jeff!

A day for the “AJes”

Today was one of those days that doesn’t come around all that often, when the stars align and you shit excellence.  It’s important to be patient rather than outspoken and your time will come. TODAY was my time….

Sleeping in seemed like a good move even though I was going to do it regardless.  Trudging out of bed around 1130 to find my mom, sister, and her boyfriend all enjoying their morning cup of jo’ while my grumpy self zombied over to the cabinet to pull out 3 hearty packets of Quaker Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal - breakfast of champions.  The daily outlook looked quite relaxing: Possibly a few brewskies, Rangers Bruins game at 1 and being a couch potato extraordinaire.  Little did I know this was all going to change.

With 7 inches of fresh powder on the ground and dad having already left for work early in the AM, the snow blowing duties were without its leader.  Someone needed to step up, who was going to dare to be great today?  The candidates:

Sister - Lets just say she doesn’t do much manual labor….

Sisters Boyfriend - A strong build and always a positive attitude.  Last winter he plowed our whole driveway however didn’t know that snow blower had gears and pushed itself.  He’s done his time.

Mom - Great on the shovel, but probably has about 15 minutes tops in her.

Andy - A 5’9” 160 lb. physical FREAK.  Not much manual labor in his history but this kid has been ready on the sidelines his whole life.

There was no talk, no election, no picking straws.  I decided to step up to the plate and play the role of hero for the day.  I felt like a kid being called up out of the minors and thrown right into the lions den for their first start.  Geared up and ready to rock I took to the driveway

A few minutes in I realized there was something off.  My form wasn’t there, couldn’t plow in a line for the life of me, fatigue was setting in and I was thirsty.  Called a personal 20 to head back in for a gamechanger - MUSIC.  

I owe a lot of credit to a few friends of mine who helped push me through a grueling 2 hours out on the pavement:

Avicii - Thank you for Levels.  Once that came on I took my plow game to another level.  I knew I was heading for greatness.

Calvin Harris - Thank you for Feel So Close.  It made me feel one with the snow plow.  At the beginning I was having trouble maneuvering the hog but once this song came on I felt like a season vet.

Sweedish House Mafia - Thank you for Save the World.  I may have not saved the world, but I sure as hell saved our driveway today. Thanks fellas

As you can see from the following photos, I took my game to a whole new level once my friends were busy getting their jam on in my ears:

Cant tackle the pavement without a proper fist pump

Crushing life

Sam Adams Summer Ale I owe these boys a thank you as well - even though it is winter, Summer Ale had me thinking of beaches and bikinis.  It definitely took my mind off my whiter than white skin tone I have at the moment.  A nice cold alcoholic beverage while operating heavy machinery had me flowing.

After shoveling the deck and re-stocking the fire place with enough wood for the next 2 weeks it is finally time to relax.  My most manly/productive day I’ve had in years.  Rangers won, driveway is clear of snow, fire is going and I just finished Moneyball (great flick, really proud of Billy Beane).  All is well in the life of Andyboy at the moment.  Now about that new job….

Bold move sir.

Locker Box, lets go

 2 stories come to mind immediately when I see fans attending a game in their opponents city:

Bryan Stow (San Francisco Giants Fan) in the 2011 season opener against Los Angeles Dodgers at Dodger Stadium.  The guy was put in a medically induced coma due to severe injuries to his skull and brain.  It took him 7 months just to get out of the hospital!

January 2012 an off-duty cop and Iraqi war veteran, Neal Auricchio Jr. (New York Rangers fan) was heavily beaten right after the Winter Classic in Philadelphia by a trio Flyers fans. 

As a New York sports fan, I would think twice about going to rival arenas/stadiums [Philly or Boston especially] while wearing my teams jersey, maybe rock a hat or t-shirt?  I’m a Yankee fan and know it could be a death sentence to go to Red Sox game at Fenway with a jersey on.  There is a good chance I’d be heckled to the point that an usher would probably just remove me from the game - I’ve seen it happen several times.  With a hat/shirt I could at least keep it somewhat low key and I’d have my head on a swivel.  Another way around it is to bring a good looking girl with you, this way they’ll focus on staring at her taking the eyes off of you.


The away team fan is in an interesting situation, could be a lose-lose one: 

a) His team loses cause they’re playing an away game - goes home in defeat. 

b) His team wins but in doing so gets heckled non-stop, maybe something thrown at him and in worse case a fight - goes home with a black eye. Sorry boss.


I asked a handful of friends if they would wear a Yanks jersey against the Red Sox at Fenway.  Most friends said yes they would with my 2 favorite responses:

"I’d rock a Jersey and or hat but be respectful… a wuss answer but nothing more that i hate when other fans disrespect my stadium”

"Not really a simple answer to that question.  When the situation arises when my team is on the road I will no doubt wear my jersey to the stadium, it really comes down to how you act when you are there.  If i go to a Yankees Baltimore game then i can cheer a little more and get into it…but if they’re playing in Fenway, ill wear my jersey, but keep clear of any nut jobs from Boston looking to start any fights.  So yes i would wear a Yankee jersey to Fenway, but i would pay close attention to how i was reacting to the game”


Not only do the hometown fans not want you in their building, they’ll make sure you hear/feel it.  While you might be lucky enough to be verbally attacked by someone like myself with sports knowledge, outsmarting every comeback you have……….. I’m sure the guy 5 rows behind us who has taken notice of your stupid Sydney Crosby jersey, has slammed down 8 tall boys in record timing and has been yelling “SHOOT THE PUCK!” every second will take a different approach.  The 1/4 remaining beer in his hand that he once heard “the last sip is 10% saliva” has become the faucet on top of your head.  HOPE YOU BROUGHT SHAMPOO!


If you’re go to the game in an opponents arena, just go as a fan and not an arrogant fan wearing a jersey.  All it does is put a target on your back with 20,000-70,000 blood hungry bulls seeing red.  Everyone in the stands would love to rearrange your face but the fat guy 5 rows back whose three sheets to the wind might actually do so.


As a sports fanatic I’ve been going to Madison Square Garden my entire life.  There is always this certain aura when passing through the turnstiles to enter ‘The Worlds Most Famous Arena’.  The Garden makes you feel alive, bringing out the best in everyone (unfortunately the opponents too).  There have been several times that I’ve had chills running throughout my body because of the atmosphere.  It doesn’t get much better when the Knicks or Rangers do something huge in an important game, the crowd will make sure you don’t miss it. 



who was the schmuck that designed the place?  PURPLE and TEAL seats?  I’m pretty sure the Knicks and Rangers have never worn either of those colors.  It’s about time the Garden got a face lift.  1/3 of the way done so far I’d say they’re off to a solid start with the dark navy comfortable seats and expanded hallways.  The only part I don’t understand is there will be two pedestrian walkways suspended from the ceiling to allow fans to look directly down onto the games being played below.  Sounds cool to check out maybe once, but it will take fans out of their seats making the place look empty and probably quiet the faithful down a bit.  Is it going to be fully enclosed?  I’d sure hope so cause I can see people trying to shower the opposing team with beer from the eye in the sky - You just have to be drunk enough, someone will try it (Scott Harper anyone?)

When you go to the Garden, you should block the rest of the world out of there.  The occasional ESPN score update to see out of town scores and every so often a text to a friend doesn’t hurt.  It should be a place where you can relax and enjoy the game.  I almost felt compelled to tell that to the guy next to me last night at the Rangers Penguins game.  Coming in 5 minutes after the puck drops with what seemed to be an old friend of his.  The guy was a disheveled mess for the remaining 15 minutes of the period and didn’t bother taking his jacket off.  Not only that, he was holding onto his briefcase for dear life. I swear this is what he looked like, it was as if the man was holding onto secret Russian launch codes.  I was saying to myself, get this man a drink and ease up partner you’re at a game.  Thankfully after intermission he had beer in hand and looked a whole lot tense, but the briefcase was not in hand.  Guess he passed on the launch codes.  It was nice knowing all of you……


Hi, I’m Chucky. Wanna play?

Mercy street here.


Look at this thing.  This stupid red-headed doll in overalls has haunted me my entire life.  Every time I hear the name Chucky flashes of a knife bearing plastic doll stabbing me uncontrollably comes to mind.  I first saw chucky at around 7 years old with my sister and all of her friends [thanks mom for allowing this and thanks Court for ruining my life].  It was the 1st time I experienced a scary movie and I haven’t been the same since.  Opening closets, looking under beds and walking down dark hallways now came with a side dish of fear.  When I was younger I used to jump out of bed at least 2 ft away because I thought Chucky was hiding under ready to cut my achilles  The craziest part is I knew the movie was a MOVIE and that none of this was real.  On the same point - I also know the Truman Show was a movie, and there are countless number of people that feel their lives are all being taped. Fact. I do too.

When we were younger a bunch of my friends decided to watch Nightmare on Elm Street one night.  I had never seen it but knew that it was up there on the top scary movies.  My suggestion for watching Face/Off or The Rock for the umpteenth time was to no avail.  91 minutes of run-time of which I probably saw about 25 of them, the remaining 66 were spent underneath a blanket wishing time would fast forward.  Once this movie was done with I emerged from the blanket only to be spotted by Z, who to this day will always bust my chops about what he saw - A wimpy 5’0” 100 lb noodle armed kid that was drenched in sweat.  In my mind sticking myself in what seemed to be 100º heat underneath a blanket for nearly an hour was a hell of a lot better than letting Mr. Krueger run my mind for eternity.  I’ll never hear the end of it from Z. 

The other day I was up at my sisters for dinner flipping through the channels and came across none other than Child’s Play 3.  Faced my fears and put it on, bring it punk.  My sister immediately said to me “Oh no dude! Are you gonna have nightmares? Should I call mom?”.  No nightmares here, I realized how pathetic I once was that a plastic doll could scare the crap out of me.  I’m pretty sure I can handle any scary movie these days, other than the likes of Paranormal Activity which completely bugged me out for well over a week.

It appears there is a new Child’s Play in production Child’s Play (2012) will tell the story of Chucky, all over again, but leave the comedy out. No more ‘side splitting’ Chucky, but the new Child’s Play movie will be very dark and disturbing, holding true to it’s original roots.  The new me is chomping at the bit (not really) for this to get into theaters asap so I can go conquer fears against my “friend till the end” good ole’ Chuckster on the big screen.

Those who know me well, know that I am extremely jumpy.  I have self-diagnosed myself with Child’s Play syndrome.  Child’s Play Syndrome:  When an unexpected event surprises the hell out of someone, causing the entire body to go into shock and no control of your limbs.  It’ll probably be stuck with me for the rest of my life, so you’re all going to have to deal with it.

(I was scared of this? seriously?)

"Hi, I’m Chucky. Wanna play?"  No thanks ass… I’ll pass

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